Monthly check-in

Ups and downs, ups and downs. I don't know about you but sometimes I feel as high as a kite, everything is going well, things are in the swing and then sometimes it's like nothing can go right. I trip up 3 times in a day or I get puddle-splashed and life is just off. It's such a bizarre sensation to feel in the swing and then a switch is flicked and it's as iff the universe is teaching how to deal with the little things that are a real pain in the arse!

Jette Virdi, food stylist based in London and Dublin and Portugal

The last month has been full of ups and downs. I mentioned here that we're trying for a baby and with the whole issue of PCOS and hormones I'm struggling a little. I just kind of assumed it would go as follows: T- "let's have a baby". Me - "yep, sure". T - "wham bam thank you mam" (ok, not really like that at all but you get my drift). Me -" I'm preggers babe" and bob's your uncle. Well no. 2 months has passed and I'm like "hellooooooo, baby making vessel is A-ok!?!?!?!" Of course, it doesn't really help that a whole bunch of friends have either just told their amazing and wonderful news (which if you're reading this friends, I  absolutely want you to get all excited with me, cos I'm so excited for you!) or they've just popped. I can't help but see babies everywhere I go and wonder every time I feel sick (normally from eating too much) that I might be pregnant. Totally irrational and I've always said I have an addictive personality. My mind is in constant turmoil over not getting carried away and obsessing about being pregnant. I know I sound odd and crazy but does this happen to people who want to be mums? Is it like a thing that suddenly happens and you turn into a crazy person?

I naively assumed it would just happen, that we'd just get pregnant, easy peasy. I mean I went and got checked, I'm good to go. Honestly, I've never wanted babies (yes T knows this), I have absolutely no clue what to do with them, I don't find babies cute (yes, I'm a horrible person) and I certainly don't understand what all the fuss is about. But I do want one with T and he assures me that I'll love my own and quite honestly I just about 60% believe him. Have any of you mums out there felt the same? Did you not really get kids until you had your own? 

I know that this is an odd post but I also think if I'm feeling this, maybe other people are feeling this way too, I just can't seem to find people writing about it. Writing about the crazy that has sprung into my life! 

Rhubarb styled by Jette Virdi, food stylist based in London and Dublin

 

On the food side, things have been tough. I've totally had moments of pure delight in eating bread. Everyone has said "it's only for 3months, you'll be grand". Turns out, I've failed miserably. I couldn't even last 2 months without eating food that were on my intolerance lists! argggggghhhhhhhhh. Poor T has been asking me (which I asked him to do) 'is that on your list of approved foods babe?'. Um yes, bugger off and let me eat this whole baguette please with a kilo of goats cheese on. But, I am back on it as from today. I'm also back drinking buckets of coffee! I can't stop. Something in my life has to give and how the hell do these people assume such perfect, bloody nice lives?! I'm currently sitting in wet yoga pants (I tripped with a pint glass and it went all down me) sitting on the floor because my legs from going for a run are too tired to get me onto the couch. DO I get any prizes for being the most clumsiest and most pathetic?